Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
