mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
