if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
