can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
