Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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