i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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