mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
