There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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