i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
babies were throwing up all over the place
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
