Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
