my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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