You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
