I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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