a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
