Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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