but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
