thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
