Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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