Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
