I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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