I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
