3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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