i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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