He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
