you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
