i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
