Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
