you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
