You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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