I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My bed smells like the plague
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