no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
