did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
