just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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