so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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