he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
