i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
