I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
