so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
