Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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