omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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