I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
