will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
