I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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