i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Randomize
