If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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