North Korea, Best Korea!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
