The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
i now understand why vodka
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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