And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
