So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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