considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
